Random Thoughts

"Sometimes it seems that it might be better to go back to those simpler days, that one might get more out of a less complex life. But it cannot be done. One changes with prosperity. We all think we should like to lead the simple life, and then we find that we have picked up a thousand little habits which we are quite unconscious of because they are a part of our very being-and these habits are not in the simple life. There is no going back-except as a broken man."

— Harvey Firestone, Men and Rubber (1926)

Some ideas to consider in middle age, in no particular order:

1/ The home you live in matters more than you think.

Some spaces and locations create inner noise & agitation in us. Other spaces and locations help quiet our inner noise.

Spend the money & time to get a home that creates quietness & holistic comfort. It is worth it.

2/ If you feel good when you criticize someone, you might enjoy the short term self righteousness and validation you get, but if it becomes a habit, you will likely never find joy in the life you have created.

3/ Don’t look up to anyone.

4/ Constantly upgrading your social circle (in terms of their success, wealth, fame, connections, etc.) might feel good in the short term, but just leads to long term emptiness.

5/ Contrary to popular wisdom, you are not the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

But you can be the average of the 5 books you spend the most time with.

If you want to be “successful”, constantly trying to upgrade the former will cost you your soul, while doing the latter will cost you less than $200.

6/ Achieving your “full potential” based on society’s definition of success sounds like a great idea but is actually not a great idea.

To truly create the best conditions for long-term joy & happiness, you should aim to be just slightly less successful than you actually could be.

This delta creates room for things that are more important & lasting than society's definition of achieving your full potential.

7/ When you think about it real hard, it is quite stupid to feel proud of something you were born with and had no choice in the matter.

8/ We are born with more things than our ego would like us to admit.

9/ The vast majority of parents manipulate their children constantly & that manipulation continues well beyond the toddler years, for at least the first couple of decades of the child’s life.

If you think you never do this or no longer do it, you are likely not thinking hard enough.

10/ If it doesn’t resonate, either ask or ignore, don’t argue.

11/ If you are old-enough and still blame your parents for who you are, be sure to also blame your grandparents for who your parents were, and your great grandparents for who your grandparents were, and ... ... ...

You get the picture.

12/ When you laugh at previous generations for their ignorance or brutality, you might as well laugh at yourself while you are at it. On behalf of future generations.

13/ If you are already happy, the most foolish thing you can do is to put all your energy towards becoming happier

14/ Past a certain point & aside from temporary bumps, your baseline propensity for tranquility determines how happy you will be in life, much more than your external situation.

Therefore, the most important type of self-improvement is whatever helps raise your propensity for tranquility.

15/ The only 2 questions you need for endless self-discovery:

i) Why does this emotion exist?

ii) What is causing this thought?

The most important career lesson to internalize after 10-15 years in tech is to make very intentional career choices, based on

1) what kind of life you want to create

2) your superpowers

3) what type of work energizes you

4) what type of people you love working with

You would think that folks with great titles who are managing massive orgs must be making very intentional career decisions.

But you’d be surprised by the degree to which many folks’ career choices are just driven by the tendency to follow the most attractive career path that their peers are following, and then justifying taking that path with logic after the fact.

This is mimetic desire at work, along with conformity bias.

Some other folks make their career decisions primarily based on what is easiest in the moment, with the chief goal of avoiding any and all discomfort. They always find a great logical explanation for their choice after the fact.

This is known as the affect heuristic, basically a form of confirmation bias.

So here’s the surprising thing:

When you make your career decisions with sincere intent i.e. based on a thoughtful, drama-free assessment of the 4 factors I listed above, you will end up making very different choices than the vast majority of your peers who have similar experience & capability.

As you make more intentional career choices, you will feel strange at first.

Some well-meaning “mentors” will even urge you to reconsider your choices. And by all means you should be open to feedback. But only if the mentor has actually taken the time to ask you about your preferences for the 4 factors above. If they haven‘t, and they are still dispensing career advice, it is likely that your mentor is also following the herd without being aware of it. Such is the power of the herd.

The beauty of this approach is that your intentional career choices will compound.

You will do better work than you‘re used to doing. You will feel more connection to your work than you ever did. You might still have some tough times work-wise, but you won‘t be as fazed by them because you know The Why behind your actions.

And lastly, once you have seen the power of intent once, you will feel more confident & courageous when making your next career decision with intent.

You are now playing a game you can master, a game you‘ve chosen to play on your own terms — even as most of your peers remain confused for decades about what game they are even playing & about why you seem so serene as you play yours 😎